Tuesday, December 29, 2009

An Eternity Later......the Airport Sagga ends!

okay, so I didn't assault the rude woman who stole the seat and really the story is just ordinary from here on out and that is probably why I lost interest in finishing it:) Especially since I end up looking so shallow and not Christ like what-so-ever.......So I am finally going to expose myself for what I really am......human and imperfect.........darn it!

The saga continues........and finally comes to an end!

I stood there dumbfounded for a moment and finally decided my only alternative was to move Hevenlee from her comfortable sprawl across 2 seats and sit with her. She didn't seem to mind at all. Part of me wished she would start screaming and crying from being jostled around and disturbed from her sleep, but she was far too old for that and so she nestled into my lap. Leaving me the only one agitated. The rude woman's boys took turns peeking over at me and whispering to each other. I sat fuming for so many minutes and staring back at the boys each time they found enough courage to look over so I could make them feel bad about what they had done. I could tell by the way the boys kept looking over in my direction that they knew what they had done was not right. I felt an intense anger that seemed to just swallow me whole and I couldn't shake it. What kind of example was the woman being to her children? The mental judgement began.....at the same time I began to wrestle with just how ridiculous this was to fume over such foolish things, but why couldn't I dispel this anger.....no this was not just anger, this was full on rage! My mind said this was dumb and I should let it go and move on for goodness sake, but my body pulsed with the injustice and wouldn't relax. The spiritual vs. the physical I suppose. Anger was winning and held its grip on me. I allowed it to sink in even deeper by dwelling on the event and it felt like it was beginning to posess me.

I sat there staring at the seat in front of me, I couldn't keep my mind from running through a retaliation strategy. Yes, I am that shallow..... What were my options here.... 1.Begin a glaring campaign? hmmm tempting. 2. Keep looking over frequently showing my dissatisfaction? it's a thought.... 3.Talk to as many around me to rally them to my view point against her......I looked around....pretty much everyone was asleep and really who would care? 4.Let it go? This seems to be what "Jesus" would probably do.....but could I? If I say I want to follow Christ then I knew this was my only option, but the feelings raging within me were still so strong. This was going to be a battle! I think I have read about this in the Bible somewhere. It felt so good to to let anger take over, but I knew I must fight it. I began to be more determined to let it go. Why was it so hard? I tried to distract myself by opening up the book I had been reading, but it was no use, I simply could not focus I was so agitated! I just sat there looking at the page without making any sense of the letters forming words.

I suppose that the most frustrating thing was that for the next few hours as I checked on the seat situation not a single person put even a foot in that spot that they had hogged for themselves. I was tempted to get up, go around to the other side and sit in that seat since it was on the isle and no one was occupying it. I thought better of what it would obviously communicate and stayed put. Why in the world did they take the seat if they weren't even going to use it! I had to stop thinking about it because it was making my blood boil all over again! Okay, no more looking over there.... I got up a few more times to stretch my legs and finally found a seat a few rows back. Evidently someone had found a better seat elsewhere. Cool for me:) Now Hevenlee could stretch out again and be comfortable while she slept. For the next hour I sat there. I walked up the isle to check on the girls every once in a while. I suppose it wasn't so bad and little by little I wasn't quite so angry anymore. It's grip was losing it's hold on me. The girls didn't seem to even notice my absence and I guess that is all that really matters. I was finally cooling down..... Boy, did that take a long time to wear off. With time the heat of my emotions did slowly cool until they were just embers. But I could sense that they never really went out completely..... What is my problem anyway? And I call myself a Christian. Ah, the shame and guilt of not being perfect and handling ever situation just right...... Satan can really come at you from any angle can't he......

I guess the fact that the woman noticed she had banished me from the row by her actions actually got the best of her and eventually I noticed them moving over. It didn't really make me feel that much better since the flight had nearly ended. I had no desire to be anywhere near her. I still couldn't find it anywhere in me to even be civil in my thoughts. I guess I am just that shallow. A sad fact I am beginning to understand about myself more fully as each year passes, but one I am not okay with continuing....

When the flight was over and we had to get off the plane I had to rouse the girls and they groggily got their carry on bags and we headed off the plane.
For some reason Sonshyne was pulling my computer carry on as her responsibility. The wheels made it an easy thing to pull. We made our way through the airport to catch our connecting flight to Lithuania. Time was of the essence. We got in line to check our passports and move into the next section of the airport. Then we had to hurry to find our way to the other end of the airport where our connecting flight was. I busied myself getting the passports ready for the 3 of us. We got them stamped and were on our way and into the elevator. As I was catching my breath, putting our passports into the 'safe' place and calculating our things it dawned on me that Sonshyne had NO carry on with her. My computer was gone!! She had let go of the handle at the passport control check point and moved on with out it!

Panic accompanied by adrenaline flooded my exhausted being and I literally began shaking. We could not afford to replace this computer! And was this going to make us miss our connecting flight? All the events of the day boar into my being and I broke under this final event. I scowled at my daughter. It was the first time during this whole saga I had lost my temper with the girls, but I had had it! I felt like the damn of emotions broke open and began flowing dangerously over everything in its wake...and my girls were helpless to get out of its way.....

We stood waiting in the elevator as passengers came and went. We had to get back to the top floor and NOW. I couldn't speak and the elevator wouldn't move fast enough of course. The girls sensing the mood I was now in and stood in silence. Smart girls. Finally, we got to the right floor and squeezed by the flow of people pouring into the elevator. I am sure they wondering why we were going the wrong way. And I am scanning them on the way out to see if any of their carry on baggage looks like my computer bag. We were then standing alone in a large black room with huge sliding doors. On the doors were 2 big red circles with bold white minus signs in the middle easily communicating in any language that you are NOT welcome to come back through this way and yet my computer may or may not still be standing on the other side of these doors.

Here I am faced with a personal dilemma. I am such a rule bound person. I have a hard time breaking rules and laws when I know about them. I know I am not supposed to walk through those doors and there could be some consequences if I do. It is obvious from the giant minus signs on the door that what I am about to do is not okay, But my computer bag may be sitting on the other side. Well, I didn't dwell on it too much because time was of the essence here. It was just part of the intense mental battle that was raging in my head along with all the other events of the day. Urgency overrides my sense of right and wrong so I bolted through the doors as soon as they were open to retrieve my bag...could it possibly still be there?

I gave a sweeping glance around the area where we had been standing in line. Low and behold there it stood! Untouched. No one seemed to care one bit that I was there. Even more surprising was that no one even seem to notice my presence. I let out a huge long breath and grabbed it up. I gave a little scowl at my daughter which I still regret doing, but couldn't seem to get a grip on my emotions. I was so tired and the events of the day left me raw. My feelings were all over the place, but now my thoughts turn to our next flight. Would we make our connecting flight? Or did we lose too much time? Oh, I just want to get home! Today! I just don't think I can handle another crisis!

So that is pretty much it! We made it to our connecting flight. We even had to wait a bit before boarding. The details of the rest of the trip get fuzzy here because there was simply no drama. I felt a wave a tension leave my body as soon as we sat down in our seats on the final airplane. We would make it home today. I was tired and mentally exhausted and later I would evaluate myself and feel remorseful for some of the ways I reacted during this stressful journey, but for now I just sat back in my seat, took a deep breath and felt at ease for the first time all day!

About Hevenlee's chin: we let the bandage fall off naturally and it did only a few days later. I found that I pretty much got the skin almost touching under the bandage except for one small spot. We treated it with vitamin E every night for several months. It was very pink and a bit puffy for quite some time, but today a year later there is almost no trace of it. Just a faint line under her chin. I am thinking in a few years it may disappear completely.

As for my attitude under stress: I am finding that I do not face challenges to my thinking and the unknown very well and I don't want to continue in this path. I am such a control freak! I am doing what I can to make some very serious changes to the way I handle unforeseen circumstances. It seems more often then not I fail, but I am more quick to acknowledge it and apologize then ever before. I don't want to be one of "those" people and yet I find more often then not that I am. Wow, is this life such a journey. There are so many many things to work on within my own personal life. How is it that God can even use me? And yet, I am quite sure that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it until he comes back to take me home! (Philippians 1 reference)